How I Deal With the Gremlin in my Head
Let’s talk about anxiety.
This is something I have struggled with since college but it only reared its ugly head 2 years ago when I was going through a rough time.
During college, it was always low lying. The voice would come in or the sensation of something isn’t quite right would set in. But it felt almost like a friend that cared way too much or at least a tough mom. When I knew I should be working on a paper for class or thinking about jobs for after graduation, the voice would come in. It was a kick in the ass when I needed to get moving on something and I was dragging my feet.
I felt the true impact of the gremlin a year and a half ago when I was struggling in my sales job in a foreign country. This is when the anxiety took over and starting running my life.
I felt it when I was walking down the street and I couldn’t get a full breathe in. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and strangling me. I would try to get a deep breath into my belly and it wouldn’t go. This darkness swirled around in my chest and impacted my mood.
When you can’t get a deep breathe in and you feel like you are constantly failing, this impacts every single part of your life. I would come home to my boyfriend frustrated at myself. This resulted in me complaining about everything.
Anxiety made me forget how beautiful life is. That you’re not a failure for not hitting a sales goal for something you don’t even care about. Jeez.
For months these thoughts hurtled around my brain:
You should be doing better.
You’re failing.
You’re going to get fired.
Is this even something you want to be doing?
That last question that the anxiety posed made me realize there was still a friend in there somewhere. it was getting more overwhelming because it felt like I wasn’t addressing the true problem at hand. The fact that this wasn’t meant for me.
I’ve come to realize that anxiety is not my enemy. Sometimes its trying to tell me something I am blatantly unaware of or am desperately trying to ignore.
With the help of my therapist, I’ve closed my eyes, felt into the space of anxiety (usually my chest), and spoken to that part of me. What is it trying to tell me? Is it valid? Or can it be dismissed?
I’m a firm believer of movement as medicine and moving my body every single day.
Either through my yoga practice, running at the park, heck even 20 star jumps will do. Something, anything to get your body into a different space so you are thinking differently. It is all connected.
Meditating every morning allows me to check in with myself and understand whether what I am doing is right for me. Honoring myself in this manner means that the anxiety doesn’t come out as much because I am generally on the right path now.
This strategy combined with daily movement and meditation has resulted in this anxiety only resurfacing at times when I can understand it. Sometimes it is still a bit much but then I know to sit down and come into myself or run a mile.
Life isn’t always easy. When you have a voice in your head making it even harder, that’s when you know it’s time to either change course or develop some strategies for training the mind. It is a muscle like anything else.
TO VIEW THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE ON MEDIUM, CLICK HERE.